Then get yourself a cyclocross bike. A good one. Tough, durable, light, fast and all around kick ass gearing.

Then get your self into a city, preferably a big one, lots of traffic during the day and night. Get on your bike and ride in the city streets. Show those taxi drivers who’s boss. Be careful of the city bus drivers–they don’t give a crap about who they run over or what property they damage. Make sure to always stay on the bus’ left side so when the driver decides to actually use the rear view mirror, they will see you. Slip in between cars when they are locked at lights.

See how fast you get to your destination when you are not in a car, but rather can breeze inbetween them as they sit on their horns and scratch their heads.

Be weary of the folks who turn one way and are looking the opposite way. Oh they don’t even realise you’re there until you bang on the car, but then they get mad because you hit their car. Nevermind they were making either an illegal or just god awful turn. Be careful for motorcycles. They can pop out of nowhere and ruin your day. The double parkers who then open their doors into traffic? Puh-shaw!! Yell at them all you want, cuss even. Because they are morons.

A real wake me up is a sideswipe by a cab or idiot driver who just doesn’t care to share the street with a bicyclist. This is where you assert yourself. Ride like you are a CAR. Show no fear. You must be comfortable being inbetween cars and trucks or busses and vans or cabs and limos. All of which have drivers paying attention to everything else besides the road, least of all you.

Nighttime? Like crack if you are really into the challenge!!

First rule of the road: don’t ever depend on others for your own personal safety. Only YOU are responsible for yourself. Don’t expect the drivers on the road to look out for you because they simply won’t. Road rage is an indication of that. You must be hyper alert and have razor sharp reflexes. Even the pedestrians present a challenge as they like to stand way out on the corners and you may even have to weave inbetween them when making a turn. Watch out for ladies with big bags, they can snag you.
The downhill is your friend. Always pedal on downhills, thus exerting your authority even more to the cars around you. They actually show a little respect if you keep up with them sometimes. Only sometimes though. Cabs don’t like to be lapped by bikes. And they are vindictive. They will fuck with you at every chance they get.

Ah yes. Believe me when I tell you that I get high every chance I get to ride into Manhattan. Brooklyn is cool, it has hills and winding streets and is very roomy. But Manhattan is my drug. I become more focused on my bike than any other aspect of my life. I feel no pain on my bike. And that is the best drug there is. And guess what? Not ONE pharmaceutical company can sell that to you……

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